


kiss me goodbye and sleep

by anothersadsong



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: A little Introspection, Comfort, F/M, Insomnia, and cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22029919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/pseuds/anothersadsong
Summary: Cassian can't sleep until Jyn returns home.Merry Secret Santa,out-there-artist! I’m your RCSS! Thank you for your prompt of Rebelcaptain + kyber crystal, and the additional wish for poetry. I know they’re a little blink-and-you-miss-it, but I hope you like this nonetheless.
Relationships: Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso
Comments: 6
Kudos: 85
Collections: The RebelCaptain Network Secret Santa Exchange





	kiss me goodbye and sleep

Cassian Andor had been permanently sleep-deprived since he was six years old. The perpetual dark bags under his eyes bore testament to it. It was just a fact of life that he had gotten used to with time. 

Of course he was exhausted, there was a war on, there was always something to do, always so little time to rest. What he didn’t say was that every time he closed his eyes, he was plagued by nightmares - things he’d seen, things he’d had to do, things that were yet to come. 

Ever vigilant even in sleep, he constantly teetered on the edge of consciousness, just in case. 

He was hovering in this state when the door to his quarters wooshed open and a small figure stepped into the dim room, carefully and quietly set her rucksack down, and sighed as she made her way into the ‘fresher. 

One perk of the title - not having to share the barracks accommodations. 

Jyn. 

A sense of relief washed over Cassian as he watched her come and go, only sitting up to rub at tired eyes once he heard the shower start. While he made no move to get up and join her, well aware that she needed to decompress alone first, he did grab for his datapad to look through any new messages that might have arrived while he had been trying to find some semblance of rest. 

Nothing important needed his direct reply, so he made a mental note to check again in the morning. Cassian didn’t check the news like he normally would, not wanting to sour his mood before he was able to greet Jyn properly. 

Finally, he settled on what he hoped was soothing music, and propped himself against his pillow, waiting for her to return, attempting some of the meditation practices Chirrut had insisted upon teaching him. Cassian couldn’t be sure that there was any real benefit to them, but he had to admit that when he really concentrated on doing them correctly, sometimes - just sometimes - he could clear his mind for a few short stretches at a time. 

He was in this state when the water turned off and Jyn re-entered the main space, damp hair billowed out in a halo around her head, too-big sleeping clothes courtesy of Cassian’s small wardrobe. 

She didn’t seem all that surprised to find him awake, but she made a disapproving little noise as she crossed the room and sat at the edge of their too-small bunk, anyway.

“You should be sleeping”, she gently chided, searching out his hand to hold. 

“I sleep better when you’re near”, he retorted softly, squeezing her fingers, fingers as rough and calloused as his own, reassuringly. 

His lips tipped into a smile as she shrugged noncommittally, nestling back against him while humming quietly. “How’d it go?”, he asked, leaning in to quickly nuzzle her cheek. 

“Fine. Got the info and got out, no problem. Would’ve been back in time if not for that damned blockade. Having to planet-hop five times in order to get around it made the return twice as long as it should have been.”

“You’re here now.”

She returned back into the circle of his arms as though she had always belonged there, and he welcomed her easily, feeling more at ease in the moment than he had since before he watched her transport take flight. Cassian always marveled at how well they fit together, how true it had been when he’d welcomed her home.

Because - this, no matter where they were stationed, no matter how far apart their missions took them, was his home, his saving grace, his reason to keep coming back. 

He was so grateful for her, and even though he was so good with words (while on missions, never as himself, unsure and awkward and even very shy), he had no idea how to express it to her. Still, he hoped she knew, anyway. 

Cassian had never really understood the concept of fate or meant to be, having spent his most formative years in the midst of the chaos and unpredictability of war. But then Jyn Erso came into his life, and nothing had been the same. 

He couldn’t imagine that it had been little more than a random happenstance, not when it felt not that they completed each other, but rather their broken pieces filled each other’s empty spaces. 

A soft chuckle rumbled in the back of his throat as she found a way to curl all the closer, tossing an arm haphazardly across his middle, closing her eyes and settling with a sigh as though she hadn’t been able to find the same rest that he hadn’t while they were parted. 

“Sleep”, he murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head, her still-damp hair tickling his nose. 

She made a softly distressed little noise in the back of her throat, and his smile lifted just a little higher. “No complaining. Just rest.”

For a moment, his quarters were silent (peaceful - Cassian had never imagined he’d know what it was like to feel real peace … until he knew what it was like to sleep - just sleep - with Jyn in his arms), but after her breathing and heart rate steadied, he carefully whispered the bedtime prayer that he and his siblings had recited with their mother every night at bedtime, the Festian words tumbling from his lips as though he’d spoken them last just yesterday. 

Usually, bringing up those memories left him feeling empty and cold, the pained beating of his heart almost too much to bear. But with Jyn … 

It still hurt, but the ache no longer felt like a jagged knife cleaving his heart in two. It hurt, all the things he’d lost, but also gave him hope at the same time. He couldn’t promise Jyn a lifetime, but he could give her whatever time he still had let, he could try to share some of the happiness that both had been denied for much of their lives. 

By the time Cassian finished the prayer, Jyn was sleeping soundly, and his heart softened all the more just to see the steady rise and fall of her chest, bathed in the light from the soft glow emanating from the crystal she wore around her neck. 

It only ever happened in moments just like this, and Cassian couldn’t begin to truly know what it meant. Maybe it was worth looking into at another time, but every time he saw it, he liked to think that maybe, just maybe, it meant that she was feeling perfectly, incandescently happy, safe in his arms. 

“Welcome home”, he whispered, closing his eyes. 

And finally, he slept.


End file.
